Tuesday Talk: Have you discussed the “one and only” concept with your teen son or daughter?

A “one and only” dating philosophy could lead to a lot of unhealthy choices.

Teens, especially teen girls, embrace a concerning notion that there is one person that will sweep them off of their feet and magically “complete” them.  This “soul mate” mindset can dangerously complicate an already complicated stage of life.

As adults, it might sound like fun to experience the fairy tale stage of life when the butterflies in the tummy feeling happens regularly. But, most of us would also probably be willing to admit that if we really think back to that stage of life, the choices made based on the butterflies feeling didn’t always turn out like we dreamt it would.

Believing there is one “sole” mate that will fulfill all of his or her needs often leads a teen to allow the natural storm of emotions and feelings (that happen with all new relationships) control his or her actions, leading to some potentially dangerous and almost always unhealthy choices. What most teens don’t understand is that this natural tingling tummy sensation has the ability to determine their destiny, and the end result is not always picture perfect.

Young people need to hear regularly (before the dating stage of life begins and during the dating stage of life) that character, common likes and dislikes, life goals, spiritual health, communication style, etc. are the important factors that hold a relationship together. Most relationships begin with a magical music phase (infatuation) but when this stage naturally starts to fade, what sustains the chemistry of the relationship? Butterflies in the tummy or common goals and lifestyle similarities?

What if we empower our teen sons and daughters to focus their time and energy on becoming Mr. or Mrs. Right, rather than falsely “creating” or finding Mr. or Mrs. Right? This approach to dating solves so many of the issues impacting the current teen dating world and actually decreases the chance for divorce later in life.

All young people will likely meet and date many individuals over the years. When the right person does enter into their life, they will know it – but this will only be possible if they begin with the right strategy. The reality is, no one will ever meet all of our expectations in life, not even Mr. or Mrs. Right. So, instead, the key to our teens’ happiness and contentment is to be proud of who they are and to feel personally confident as an individual. This encourages them to focus on becoming the right person instead of finding the right person. If teens use this strategy, finding Mr. or Mrs. Right will happen, at the right time and probably a little bit later in life, when they are more aware of who they are, what their personal likes and dislikes are, what they want out of life, and what kind of spouse they are actually looking for.




Tuesday Talk: The Teen Dating Scene Tuesday Talk: Will you go with me? Circle one: yes or no
Tuesday Talk: The Teen Dating Scene
Tuesday Talk: Will you go with me? Circle one: yes or no